Yup! I said it! Sex!
I am sure most of you are like what is going on! I know right – things are getting a little honest. I recently read the article 5 reasons why you should have sex with your husband tonight that really got me thinking …. sex is one of those things that we just don’t feel is socially acceptable to talk about. Maybe you do a little behind closed doors and sometimes not even then. Maybe you talk about it with your best girlfriends after a few cocktails but never in a serious conversation. I am not saying that we need to talk and have it in our face 24/7 …. but its just an article that gets you thinking about it none the less.
The article started with a 16 year old girl getting a manicure for the first time and noticed two women, who in-between buffing and polishing, they were just openly talking about how much their husbands wanted “IT” and how little they wanted to give “IT.”
The women went on to say …. “Doesn’t he know how tired I am by the end of the day? As if after the kids are finally asleep I have the energy to do anything but sit down and watch some TV.”
“For me, it isn’t even the energy it takes. I am still losing weight from the baby. I don’t feel sexy. I can hardly undress in front of a mirror, let alone in front of him. I honestly think it is selfish that he expects me to pretend to feel something that I don’t.”
“Selfish? That’s a good word. Maybe if he took care of the kids when he got home or made dinner once in a while I would be more interested. Hell, just pick up the milk on the way home from work. I am not asking for much. Now that I think about it, I don’t think we have done it in the last three weeks.”
“Yeah. It’s been at least two for us.”
The young girl was so confused at this conversation these women were having. They are married….they live with a guy….and sleep in the same bed. They could have sex all the time! And they don’t want to?? WHAT? It made no sense. It was like turning down a zero calorie but as delicious-as-creme-brulee dessert. (Or at least I assumed she was 16 remember 😉 How sad. How wasteful. How stupid. At that moment she promised herself that when she got married, she would always want to have sex with her husband! She would never be too tired. My goodness, it is just ridiculous to want him to bring home a gallon of milk just to prove he cared. As the final coat of polish was applied to her nails, she swore to never be like them. Her life would be different. Better. She would never feel too fat or too tired. Ever.
And then she grew up!
Below are her 5 reasons you should have sex with your husband every night:
- Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in his arms when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman! And there is potential and depth and heck, I am pretty darn good kisser, too. It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.
- If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950′s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.
- You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made you run hot and high up to the stars until you thought you would never come down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can’t do.
- Sex relieves stress. I don’t know that this one needs much explanation. As a mother I eat stress for breakfast. So it seems to me I have a choice. I can let off steam by A) driving around at night and bashing in strangers mailboxes or B) I can get down and dirty with that one guy I married that one time. I choose option B. (So far the mailboxes in my neighborhood have escaped unscathed, so Option B must be working.)
- It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why are we so quick to refuse the good things in life? We will slog through our children’s Algebra homework, do Zumba in public and pluck the hair from our body ONE PIECE AT A TIME. But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A Nymphomaniacal Super Woman?
Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare) and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My goodness, what a crazy way to live. Ladies, did it ever occur to you (to us!) that we should have sex because WE DESERVE IT? Yeah, you deserve it.
So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind him that he is the man you knew he could be.
This article was everything I needed to hear. This was me. I thought that there would be no excuse to why I wouldn’t have sex with my someday spouse anytime, anywhere I wanted. I would never turn it down and life would be perfect. Sex would just be the whipped cream on top (whipped cream, see what I did there?) of my Cinderella story.
So what do you wanna call it? Intercourse, carnal knowledge, lovemaking, knocking boots, coitus, doing the deed, boink, make woopie, SEX!
No doubt that whatever term you feel like calling it it’s all the same. And once Matt and I got married there was lots of it. Then life happened, the honeymoon phase started to fade and the daily grind started to settle in. Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining or thinking that our marriage is doomed but writing this post today. In face its the exact opposite this article was an honest realization for me that ….things shift. And knowing that you are not along in thinking or feeling this way brings comfort to me. Hearing other women be open and honest about SEX (or lack thereof) almost feels empowering. Yes, I want to be the best wife, the best lover and the best at everything to make sure that my husband is always happy and taken care of both in and out of the bedroom. Think back to when you are dating. All the fun, excitement and anticipation there would be. How 4 or 5 days would go buy and all you had were phone conversations to keep each other company so naturally when you saw each other again you would “jump their bones” …. I still get butterflies thinking about Matt and I still love him (if not more) than the day we met but the daily routine has just altered my “expectations” about SEX in a marriage. Older friends of mine have always joked (even prior to us getting married) that once you get married you loose the sex and after kids you just don’t even know what SEX is anymore … everyone would smile and laugh when those jokes would be tossed around but never did I think there was a slight truth to that. Matt is 100% my everything. I would be lost without him and we both catch ourselves feeling grateful and blessed that we have each other to spend our days with. We would never trade that for anything. Coming home to hear about each others day, going for a run together after work, watching a favorite show, giving back/foot rubs and just enjoying the life that we are building together. We still do spontaneous things and make time for “date nights” to always reconnect, show appreciation and love towards one another. We work really hard to do the little things because another shift will come someday …. someday when kids consume our lives and we barely have time to sit down and have a family meal together. Yet, no matter how tired we might become and long our days will be maybe the teenage version of myself was not totally wrong…..and I will hold on to her.
In the famous words of Carrie Bradshaw “So there you have it. We’ve got a relationship without sex and sex without a relationship. Which had a better shot at survival? I couldn’t help wonder: What comes first, the chicken or the sex?” [Episode four, “What’s Sex Got to Do With It?”]